Dealing with People You Can't Stand: How to Bring Out the Best in People at Their Worst by Dr. Rick Brinkman

Author:Dr. Rick Brinkman [Brinkman, Dr. Rick]
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Publisher: McGraw-Hill
Published: 2002-02-26T14:00:00+00:00

“How would you know if people were listening?”

The response may be, “When people don’t just sit there, when they respond!”

You, of course will want to inquire, “What response would they give you when they are listening?” Do not take anything for granted. Be specific. You can even get specific about what you can do to help the situation the next time it gets out of hand.

Laura had a boss who blew up frequently. Most of the time it had nothing to do with her. For a year she felt bad, because she didn’t know what to do to help him. Everything she said or did seemed to make the explosive episodes intensify. A day arrived when she just came right out and asked him, “How can I support you at those times when you lose your temper?”

He casually said, “Just walk out and ignore me and do whatever you need to do.”

She couldn’t believe it! After a year of driving herself crazy trying to help him, the only help he wanted was to be left alone. Proof that it pays to communicate!

You may discover that you aren’t the pin puller. If the pin puller is someone else in the office, then one solution is training in team building, interpersonal communication, and conflict resolution. The pin puller may even be at home and the explosion happens at the office. In this case, helping the problem person to realize the difference and the consequences of failing to understand the difference may prove helpful.

Whatever the cause of the explosion, if you’re willing to invest a little time every day in actively listening to the problems the person faces, and actively supporting this individual in talking instead of blowing up, you will slowly but surely have a positive impact, reducing the frequency and intensity of the negative behavior. At the very least, you will be one of the few people around whom the Grenade never loses it again.

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